batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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