Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize