I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Come on in and take your pants off
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