There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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