If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize