he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
