Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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