He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
