I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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