How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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