ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
