My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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