Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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