i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
