Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
