I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
