So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
