The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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