I think I died a long time ago.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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