oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
