I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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