So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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