he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
