I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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