I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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