its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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