you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
