I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
