im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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