I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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