it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
