overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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