Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
