Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
