just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if only i could text you this smell
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
