Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize