what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
