oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
