I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
