That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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