Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We don't watch enough power rangers
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize