thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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