Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
