help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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