She said her name was "party"
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
