Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
