She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
