I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
