I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
