hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
