I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
