I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
