When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
