I wish I could teleport
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
