dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
