Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize