mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize