if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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