3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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