I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
