Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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