i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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