ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
