so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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