my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
