Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Maybe he injected his testicle?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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