worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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