he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
