so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
soo... how was my night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
