holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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