I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
