i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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