that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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