I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
