Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
