Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
