I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize